#PrayForParis

This past week has been nothing short of a tragedy.

Other than my typical lack of sleep, the first half of the week didn't go too bad. In fact, Wednesday morning was actually quite wonderful. I spent some time cleaning up my room and reorganizing my space. I went through everything that I have and cleaned it and found a good place for it. As an 11 year old that would have been torturous, but I needed that so badly. It was almost a physical representation of me cleaning out my life. I took some time and analyzed all the things that are a part of me and found a proper place for them, throwing out the things I didn't need. Then, I took a shower. Gah, that was a wonderful shower. I cleaned myself of all the filth and crap that was clinging on even closer than the things in my life. (Picking up on that metaphor, yet? Just wait, it gets better.)

I'm not completely sure why I chose Wednesday morning to do laundry, clean, and take a long shower, but it just worked out that way. Once I was done, I continued my day with new energy. That's when the storms hit. If you suffered in those storms like some of my friends did or had any damage from the snow, wind, or rain, I am truly sorry. That was such a mess, and it seemed to come out of nowhere. Yet, I was prepared. 

I didn't have to worry about the horizontal rain getting into my room because that morning I had cleaned and shut the windows. I didn't have to worry about not knowing where the things were that I would need to survive the rain, because that morning I put them all away and knew where each one was. I didn't have to worry about fresh clothes, because that morning I did all of my laundry. When the storms of life struck, I didn't have to frantically respond to the tragedy in the way that so many others were doing, because I was prepared. 

Now, Wednesday morning, I wasn't cleaning in preparation of the storms. Rather, I was cleaning simply to clean, but because I did, I was prepared for the worst that life could throw at me. In the same way, I don't daily cleanse myself and spend time with God as some kind of insurance were the worst to happen. I do it simply because I enjoy doing it. But, because I do it, I'm prepared for the worst that this life can throw at me.

Then, Wednesday night we talked about - get this - how being our true and authentic selves is practically equivalent to making ourselves vulnerable and how beautiful that is. A friend of mine in the Religious Life Community gave the message and we talked about identity and who we truly are, and it was fantastic. It is such a great community to be a part of; we recognize each other as individuals and bear each other's burdens.

But, my week was far from over. Thursday, after I didn't sleep well because my roommate was screaming in his sleep, at about 8 at night I wacked my head on a metal bar putting away a cowbell (yep, that's probably the lamest story you've ever heard). This resulted in major bleeding, and then later a a friend giving me a ride to Mercy Clinic. My parents soon arrived to support me and I got three staples in my scalp and a tetanus shot. I'm doing pretty well now, but the thing that amazed me was the support I received from all sorts of people. People were liking and commenting on both my dad and I's posts and so many people were so authentically concerned with my well-being. 

That night, a few of my friends and I were hanging out and we were talking about all of the terrible things that have happened in our weeks. One friend got stuck outside in the horizontal rain hiding beneath a tree and screaming into the wind "don't let me die!". Another friend lost one of their dear friends to suicide earlier that week. So, if you had a crappy week this past week, you are NOT alone. We've all been there. That night we talked about how humanity comes together in some of the most beautiful ways when responding to hurt and pain. The compassion that I saw for one another was, and is, beautiful.

I thought that this was as bad as the week was going to get despite Friday the 13th being the next day. (I'm really not that superstitious.) But it was nowhere near over as tragedy struck Paris on Friday and I was again truly amazed by the amount of compassion as the world grieved for Paris. Go take a look at Facebook or Twitter or any social media and you will see #PrayForParis and people changing there profile pictures everywhere. What an amazing time to be alive that we can come together in such beautiful ways. 

I'd like to encourage you, like I encouraged people on Facebook, pray for Paris, yes. But also pray for those struggling with these "little things" as well. Pray for each place where terror and fear is striking in Japan, Paris, Baghdad, the Middle East, Central America, or even your own backyard. And also lift up those who are battling through depression, those that miss home, those that are stressed from studying, those that are all around us. Let us "carry each other's burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2)

I love you all and continue to pray for each one of you.
Good luck in the real world and God Bless,
-XTopher

Manliness = Vulnerability?

Word association: manliness. GO!

Manliness

• Strong
• Tough
• Facial Hair
• Mighty (Full of Might)
• Macho
• Godly
• Leader
• Do-it-yourself
• Hands-on

So, I actually just played this game with the girls that are in the same room doing productive things as I am. (Update, they are now actually listening to "Men in Tights" from Men in Tights and singing along. Possibly, my fault.) Anyways, not the point. The point is that these are things that some actual people think of when I asked them what words came to mind when I said "manliness". Some other things that are "stereotypical" ideas of manliness:

• Thick-Skinned
• Not-Vulnerable
• Don't Surrender
• Don't Show Emotion

So, why am I pointing these things out? For the reason that I cannot figure out why in the world that something so contrary to my "supposed" culture is so appealing/awarding: surrender. I've noticed in the past few months that being vulnerable is actually one of the most freeing, desirable, and amazing experiences that I can have. Yet, it is so contrary to the culture that I have been "taught" to live by.

Side Note: There are a LOT of quotation marks in this thing!

I've been in the point of my life where I have completely surrendered myself and gave up my every right to control, and it was the most freeing feeling that I have ever had. A great example of this is when I was a little kid. When I was young, my parents were basically in charge of everything. They organized my schedule, drove me around, decided what I was going to eat, fed me, etc. I had 0 stress even though I had 0 control... because I put my complete trust in my parents. My parents were the Lords of my life. 

In my current life, I get to have a similar experience on those days that I completely surrender my day to Christ. When I let Him order my day, things are so much less stressful. When I surrender my talents to Him, I perform so much better. When I honor Him with my time, I'm so much more productive with the rest of my time. But every one of these requires a complete surrender and openness of myself. I have to become completely vulnerable before Christ and sacrifice all of my control to Him. For a control freak, it's so stinking scary and difficult to do this, but it is such an incredibly wonderful and freeing feeling to be able to do so.

Did I mention that it's super freeing? I think I did. 

So, yeah. One of the cool parts about allowing myself to become vulnerable is the freeing feeling that comes with it. Because when I surrender to someone I trust, I don't have to be in charge of anything. And when I'm not doing so hot at adulting lately, not having to adult is great!

Stay in tune for some more revelations of vulnerability!

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher

Superheroes to Super Revelation

So, I know that in my last post I said something about starting a series about superheroes, and there truly is so much I could do with that metaphor. I mean, when you think about any superhero team, it becomes evident that each has different gifts and powers. This is reflected in our own lives through bringing together our different abilities, experiences, talents, and positions in order to accomplish our ultimate goal: growing toward Christ and helping others to do the same. This brings about the second idea. The powers and abilities of the heroes we see in movies is similar to the talents we possess. In addition to our talents, we also have the power of prayer and the Spirit of Christ within us. This power is grown through spiritual disciplines: prayer, focus on the word, fasting, etc. much like the determination and will-power of many superheroes that we see as they train to become stronger. Lastly, they use their powers, will-power, and teams in order to protect their city, the world, or even the universe. This is similar to the way that we are able to protect our friends' and families' lives as well as those of people we've never met all around the world through prayer and acting like-Christ.

All of these things are essential to our walk with Christ, and they are cool to point out from a Superhero perspective. But as you can see, really it only took me a paragraph to write about it. I mean, I could have definitely fluffed it out, but I feel like the above paragraph hit most of the major points. The reason that I kicked off this "series" in the last blog is because I wanted something to talk about: something I would be able to talk about. The problem is that I've been focused on writing about thins that I already knew about. I mean, that's what seems natural. I have a blog, so shouldn't I be helping you guys understand life in some way? (As if I have any better understanding of life than you. Ha!)

When, in reality, this blog was originally to record my journey and not to teach anybody anything. The hope was that you would be able to learn from what I learned. I'm supposed to be seeking God with all that I am for a year so that I learn how to seek Him and learn how to grow. That way, even after this year is done, I will have the skills necessary to continue to grow in amazing ways. Then, I can share what I learn from my experience so that others can learn, too. The problem is that lately, I haven't been learning anything.

Why is that, you may ask. Well, concerned reader, that is a beautifully wonderful question with quite a depressing answer. The biggest reason that I'm not learning anything is because I'm not seeking anything to be taught. What does that mean? It means that instead of seeking God in this time I have set aside to do so, I've allowed myself to get distracted by the normalcy of life.

So, last night I was up until almost 4:00 reading books and studying life so that I can gain a deeper understanding. (I totally got one of those burst of passion.) I'm loving being back to learning and growing deeper in my relationship with Christ, but it took all of those things that I mentioned about heroes. I needed to build up my willpower, use my talents, and depend on those around me (especially the ultimate source of power). So, I have no idea what will come next, but I'm excited to let God be the Lord of my life and follow wherever he leads.

Hopefully the ride will be fun for you as well,
Best of luck in the real world and GOD BLESS,
-XTopher