Thank God for Smartphones

So I'm writing this blog at 23:20 because I haven't had the chance to write anything all day. I'm also writing it on my phone because I've been on a walk for the past several hours and haven't had the chance to access a computer. So, yeah. That's my life.

Nothing super exciting happened today. I tried doing the prayer closet thing a little bit this morning and it went really well. I feel really good about this and I'm excited to keep it up and see where it goes. Hopefully I'll be living in such confidence that people will begin to ask questions and I'll be able to answer. (The latter part is what I'm worried about)

Other than that, my day has been pretty uneventful. I ate lunch and sang "We're off to see the wizard" with some newfound friends as we skipped across campus. I did homework for about 5 hours straight while listening to worship music. Then, I went and had a BLT and I've been on a walk while talking about life with a good friend for the past several hours. I guess that's my version of uneventful.

But sometimes uneventful is totally okay. Sometimes we need a break from all the crazy so that we can reserve our strength to jump into more crazy. So now I'm going to take off and get back to my walk.

I hope your week went well and that you can find the times of peace in your life that we all need.

Good luck in the real world and God Bless, 

-Christopher 

Closet Christian

Lately, I have been very focused on building up my confidence in myself, my abilities, and who I am in Christ, but to be honest, I'm not quite the unashamed Christian that I once was. See, I used to be this totally on fire Christian teen who was always seeking God in the word and praying for my friends and family and posting encouraging Christian-y stuff on Facebook (yep, I was one of those guys). But now, I'm more of a closet Christian.

I don't pray all the time like I used to, and when I do, it's half hearted. I don't dig into the scripture in the passionate way that I used to. I don't really connect with a community of believers. I'm not being challenged to teach others. I don't passionately live out my faith in daily life. I don't openly talk about Christ. I don't look at every situation by thinking of God first. I'm growing more and more into the thing I always feared being: lukewarm.

Now, I kind of practice my faith in the closet. I keep my beliefs and life philosophies to myself and don't really speak out like I used to. You want to know what that's done to my faith and my walk with Christ? It's made it grow stale and lukewarm. I've lost so much momentum in my life in God. I'm just kind of sitting here and not growing, not learning, not being the man God made me to be.

But that's all about to change. It's time for me to change the definition of a closet Christian. See, in Matthew 6:6 it talks about going into your inner room, shutting the door, and seeking God in prayer. You may have hear the term prayer closet. While there is absolutely nothing magical about the location that we pray, I do believe that, at times, we need to separate ourselves from the world and spend some quality time with the Lord.

It's in that time - the time in our prayer closets - that we are able to be the most sincere with Christ and participate in some true spiritual warfare (WAR!!!!). I mean, that's where we are! We're at WAR with the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy everything God wants to do in us. We need a generation that is completely and totally on fire for Christ and is spending some major time in their prayer closets doing some major spiritual fighting. There are so many things in this world that are trying to put out that flame. I know, I've experienced a lot of them and they've succeeded in pushing me off of my path, but I won't let that happen anymore.

You know why? Because I'm going to be spending some time in my prayer closet, whether that's my dorm room, the track, the practice field, the trail by campus, or the library study rooms. I'm going to let the devil know that he has no power over me and kick him out of my life and focus on what God can do through me.

We need an army to rise up. But how can I preach at you and tell you what to do if I'm not willing to do it myself? So, I'm going to start making some changes in my life and doing some new things. Stay tuned, I'll keep you updated on what I'm doing and how God is moving through me. I'm so excited to see where He takes me when I completely surrender and submit to Him and then begin to fight on His front lines. It's time for me to be a different kind of Closet Christian: a Prayer Closet Christian.

I send my love and prayers to you all.
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
Christopher

P.S. If you've experience similar things or you've seen the power of prayer in your own life please share!! I'm sure we'd all love to be encouraged!

Before War Room

So I'm writing this as I'm sitting in the theater with my grandma to watch "War Room". I've gotta go but more to come after! I'm excited to see how this turns out. I have high hopes and I'm excited to see God move through this film! *Preparing self to be amazed and challenged*.

Losing Confidence and Superman T-Shirts

I am super tired as I'm writing this. It has been a super duper long day and I'm just now getting to the blog because I'm just now getting a little bit of down time. Granted, I've always been busy but today has been ridiculous!! Do you ever have a day like that where you are just so swamped with work or responsibilities that you don't even have time to breathe? Yeah, those days suck.

In high school I was always busy but still finished everything I needed to get done and did it to the best of my ability. Now, I'm so stretched that I'm not turning in my best work and I don't like not turning in my best work. I'm kind of losing my confidence in myself, but being overworked is not the biggest reason for that. Yes homework is exhausting. Yes moving emotionally wears me out. Yes being on campus is new and challenging. But the biggest reason that I am so unsure of myself is because lately I've done some things that are completely out of character for me.

I'm naturally a very caring and compassionate guy. I hate to see people hurt and I would never EVER be the one to hurt someone, right? WRONG! Apparently, even I am capable of causing the catastrophic emotional damage that I have seen in so many other people. There are a few people in particular that I have really hurt and I feel completely terrible.

How could I allow myself to do such a painful thing? What kind of a man am I to allow myself to hurt them that deeply? How can I even call myself a Christian after what I've done!? How can I even allow myself to live in the real world when all I've done is hurt those I care the most about? These are all questions that I've asked myself over and over and I still don't have answers, but there's some verses that my grandma (she's an awesome lady) brought to my attention this morning that have helped: 1 John 3: 18 - 21.

In my interpretation of that scripture, it seems like John (I'm assuming it's John since the book is named John, but I digress) is saying: "Guys, don't just talk about loving others, but truly show your love through action. By showing love, it shows ourselves and others (by example) that we belong to Christ. God is greater than our feelings (like guilt) AND He knows everything that we've done (who better to judge us, huh?). Then, if we don't feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence."

This really struck me as I read it. Even though I've done some terrible things and feel super guilty and absolutely awful about it, God knows what I've done. What's even better, is that He is greater than my feelings of guilt. So, if I walk in God's will (showing truth and love through my actions), I can confidently and boldly come before Christ without shame and without guilt. That's such a big deal to me (that's why I keep repeating it). No matter what I do, God knows and forgives me and I can BOLDLY come before Him. Then, by showing love, I remind myself that I belong to Christ.

So those are my goals for the next x amount of time: show God's Love in all that I do and confidently stand before Christ despite my past. These are things I've known but after all that has happened in my life, it's nice to have the reminder or to see this truth in a new light. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm wearing a superman shirt - to remind myself that instead of living in constant fear, I can live my life in confidence.

So, I guess that's what I've learned today. Hope it helps you in some way or at least entertained you briefly.
Good luck in the real world and God Bless,
Christopher Hanson

But to where, exactly?

Today is day 2 in my year long journey. "To where?", you ask. Well, I have no idea what my end goal is from this journey, but I'm reminded of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“Life is a journey, not a destination.”

That's so true for me in this expedition. I don't have any idea where I'm going. Instead, I'm focusing on the path that I'm taking and letting each day's discoveries guide my path for the next day. While I am only on the second day of this, it seems to be going pretty well. 

Now, as easy as it is to say that I'm just kind of throwing myself on some childlike adventure with absolutely no structure or end goal in mind, it's not quite that simple. I have structure to this journey that is different than what I've done in my life previously (otherwise this would be just like normal life and not an adventure, though life IS an adventure.... more on that later). Anyways, mostly I'm giving myself a break from the things I need to take a break from and allowing one year to grow in Christ without distractions. 

So what am I trying to get out of this?

Goal 1a) Discover who I am and who God wants me to be through prayer, scripture, self-reflection, and hopefully some practices that are a whole lot more tangible that I can share with you!

Goal 1b) Become the man that I will be for the rest of my life through practice, discipline, and behavior modification if needed.

Goal 2) Decide what I'm going to be doing through the rest of my life by seeking God's will and actually looking at job possibilities, internships, etc. (AHHHHH! SCARY!!! I don't wanna adult.)

Goal 3) Define for myself some words and ideas that I have never fully understood but are so intricate in my life: love, relationships, break-ups, heartache, social situations, loss, success, and happiness to name a few.  

(I realize I could have done 4 goals, but I really don't like the number 4. So, there are three.)

Realize that none of those goals are end destinations (other than maybe goal 2) but more like continual discoveries that I'm using this next year to get a jump start on. Knowing me, I can't just have arbitrary goals and expect to achieve them without some boundaries or rules.

So here are the rules:

1) Minimize Distractions. Tangibly that means: limit social media (*gasp*), back off on some of my extra-curricular activities ("Did he just say that?!"), and no dating until my journey is complete ("Okay, now he crossed a line"). Let's be honest, as awesome as it is to be able to share yourself with someone in an intimate way with the prospect of marriage in the future, I simply can't share myself until I figure out who I am. I've already hurt too many people by attempting to do this and I shall not permit that any longer! Plus, it's not like I'm all alone. I've got some kick-butt friends and a stellar family that is helping me through this.

2) Dive into God's word. Like, read it every day. I'm trying to create the man that I will be for the rest of my life. I've really got 2 options: a) try to focus on how the world sees a man and replicate that image or b) try to focus on how God sees a man and replicate that image. Since in my experience God has never fallen short of my expectations (only exceeded them) I'm going to stick with that idea.

3) Try new things. I'm really more of a "spend years planning it out before I finally implement it" kind of guy. I'm a mathematician; I like plans. But I've discovered that one of the fastest ways to learn in life is to try things out. (My awesome brother taught me that one.) So, my plan is to be spontaneous and live life courageously and maybe I can get that mentality ingrained in me enough that if God says "go here" or "do this" then I can easily do exactly that.

So, I've written all of this and I still haven't left my dorm room today except to do some laundry. Now, it's time to post this and get out of here so I can go live my life the way God intended for me to live it. Or at least try to discover what that is. 

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

Christopher

And They're Off

Dear reader,

You ever have one of those days where just everything falls apart? How about a week like that? A month? Have you ever been in the place in your life that even if everything seems to be going well for years, deep down you know that there is something wrong? Something off? Something out of place?

I mean in all honesty, my life is pretty great; there's nothing really wrong. But to a 19 year old, over-dramatic, exaggerated, college sophomore it might as well be the end of the world. (Remember that part about me being over-dramatic? Yeah, I'm REALLY over-dramatic.) But rightfully so! I've got a lot of stuff to work through, here! I mean, it's my first year living on campus; I don't have a ton of close friends at college, so I'm learning how to be alone (I'm not good at alone); I'm super SUPER busy. Let's see, I've got class, research, leadership position, symphony, jazz band, lessons, percussion ensemble, work study, volunteer hours, and religious life community *deep gasp for air* just to name a few.

To top all of that off, I'm moving. I guess I mean my family's moving since I don't technically live at home, anymore. Regardless, I have to pack away all of my childhood into little UPS boxes so my parents can move my stuff to Ankeny while I'm still in college. That means Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, and every other holiday, family game night, late conversation, etc. won't be taking place in my home, but rather in a new and unfamiliar house.

This is really big for me. I'm a sentimental and emotional kind of guy and growing up, alone, has been enough to push me toward my breaking point. It's not easy, and I have no idea what to do with all these emotions and memories. Now, we're moving away from the house I've lived in since I was five years old, the house where I used to make up superheroes in the back yard, the house where my dog and best friend is buried, where so many memories are. It's hard. Really hard. I know that to a lot of people, this is old hat, but this is a really big deal to me. End of the world big.

But this isn't the core of my issue. I've been feeling like something is wrong in my life for years. It's ike I'm leaning on the edge of a fence and I need to fall one way or another, but right now I just have this continuous feeling of discomfort. It's like when you wake up in the middle of the night because you feel like you're falling, except that I feel like that all the time. I don't like this feeling one bit, but I've not had the time - or the excuse - to really figure out what it is. But with everything around me changing, I've decided that this is the perfect time to discover what it is that's making me feel this way and how I can overcome it and be the man that I'm supposed to be.

So I guess this is kind of like my journey to self discovery - and hopefully understanding. I invite you to join me. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and I'd love prayers and support and the occasional advice! Plus, I'm pretty animated and flamboyant which, while making life harder, might prove for some almost-quality entertainment!

So, I guess here I go... wish me luck.

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
Christopher Hanson