Dear reader,
You ever have one of those days where just everything falls apart? How about a week like that? A month? Have you ever been in the place in your life that even if everything seems to be going well for years, deep down you know that there is something wrong? Something off? Something out of place?
I mean in all honesty, my life is pretty great; there's nothing really wrong. But to a 19 year old, over-dramatic, exaggerated, college sophomore it might as well be the end of the world. (Remember that part about me being over-dramatic? Yeah, I'm REALLY over-dramatic.) But rightfully so! I've got a lot of stuff to work through, here! I mean, it's my first year living on campus; I don't have a ton of close friends at college, so I'm learning how to be alone (I'm not good at alone); I'm super SUPER busy. Let's see, I've got class, research, leadership position, symphony, jazz band, lessons, percussion ensemble, work study, volunteer hours, and religious life community *deep gasp for air* just to name a few.
To top all of that off, I'm moving. I guess I mean my family's moving since I don't technically live at home, anymore. Regardless, I have to pack away all of my childhood into little UPS boxes so my parents can move my stuff to Ankeny while I'm still in college. That means Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, and every other holiday, family game night, late conversation, etc. won't be taking place in my home, but rather in a new and unfamiliar house.
This is really big for me. I'm a sentimental and emotional kind of guy and growing up, alone, has been enough to push me toward my breaking point. It's not easy, and I have no idea what to do with all these emotions and memories. Now, we're moving away from the house I've lived in since I was five years old, the house where I used to make up superheroes in the back yard, the house where my dog and best friend is buried, where so many memories are. It's hard. Really hard. I know that to a lot of people, this is old hat, but this is a really big deal to me. End of the world big.
But this isn't the core of my issue. I've been feeling like something is wrong in my life for years. It's ike I'm leaning on the edge of a fence and I need to fall one way or another, but right now I just have this continuous feeling of discomfort. It's like when you wake up in the middle of the night because you feel like you're falling, except that I feel like that all the time. I don't like this feeling one bit, but I've not had the time - or the excuse - to really figure out what it is. But with everything around me changing, I've decided that this is the perfect time to discover what it is that's making me feel this way and how I can overcome it and be the man that I'm supposed to be.
So I guess this is kind of like my journey to self discovery - and hopefully understanding. I invite you to join me. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and I'd love prayers and support and the occasional advice! Plus, I'm pretty animated and flamboyant which, while making life harder, might prove for some almost-quality entertainment!
So, I guess here I go... wish me luck.
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
Christopher Hanson
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