KitKat Christ Break

*YAWN AND STRETCH*
*Deep Breath*
Wow. Thanksgiving break was wonderful (and much needed). Not only did I get a break off of homework but really all of responsibilities in life. During the times that I wasn't helping or partaking in some family event, I sat around, watched Hallmark movies, built LEGOs, played video games, and slept. It was marvelous!

There was definitely homework that I could have gotten done and some tasks that I definitely should have done, but I'm very glad for the break that I got. I think it really helped me to reestablish focus and productivity now that I'm back to school.

But with waking up late in the day and lounging around for the rest of the day, came something I should have expected. I got out of my routine, and so I would find myself going days without really praying or reading the Bible like I had been. That's something that I did not want to take a break from.

Now, just like with the breather from homework, the "break" from Spiritual Disciplines (that's the prayer, bible-reading, worship, etc. stuff) has inspired me to jump back into it and I'm very motivated to do so, but the "damage" that was done on my "break" may definitely have outweighed the benefit of added motivation. The way I picture it is like climbing a mountain.

The harder I press into the mountains with my spikes, the more secure I am, and the more frequently I move my hands up or find a new foothold, the faster I move. In the same way, the harder I press into God's word and the more frequently I spend time with Him, my relationship with Christ grows stronger and more rapidly.

However, in mountain climbing there is a force that is constantly acting downward on the mountain climber: gravity. While this may be a slight stretch of reality, the way I picture it is if the climber stops climbing, that gravity begins to slowly pull them down. In other words, if s/he's not moving up, s/he's actually moving down. I don't know if you've heard it said, "If you're not growing, you're dying."

That's definitely how I felt this past week. I wasn't growing. I wasn't climbing. So, I felt myself slipping. I began to lose more ground in one week than I had gained in weeks of spiritual discipline. So, from my own experience, my advice is to not take a break from God. Keep digging in regardless of what your current situation is. But, this is just based off of what works for me. I know that not everyone is the same, and I'm curious to hear what you guys think of this.

What do you think about "taking a break" from Christ? How has it affected your relationship with Him? Have you ever done it? Does the motivation afterward outweigh the cost of the break?

Looking forward to hearing from you!
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
-XTopher

#thankful

For all of you United Statesians, it's official. Google has changed their logo to a cornucopia filled with fall foods, Snapchat has a new filter featuring leaves and a turkey, the Macy's Parade has begun, and I smell rolls baking in the morning. It's Thanksgiving.

This is one of my favorite holidays because it's 100% focused on family and coming together. While Christmas is "The Most Wonderful Time of Year" (in my opinion), there are a lot of extra elements that go into the Christmas season like spending money on presents, the politics of separate holidays, Santa, and even Hallmark movies that can distract from the family focus of the holiday season. But Thanksgiving doesn't have those kinds of distractions (except for Black Friday, of course). This allows Thanksgiving's only focus to be on what it was originally intended to represent: being appreciative for the things around you.

It's so wonderful to be able to be surrounded by the people that you love while remembering all of the reasons that you love to be alive. It's really a great way to reset your heart and mind and put the focus back on what we have, rather than on what we don't. After the challenge that I was on this last week, I've really had a change of perspective. (Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out the post here.) It's not that I have more to be thankful for after I did that challenge. It's just that I realize how much more I have always had to be thankful for.

I can be thankful because of the amount of food I have to eat, for sure. As compared to those in poverty, I feast every single day, but especially on a food filled day like this. I can be thankful because, even though the home that I'm in isn't the home I'm used to, I still have a home to live in and family that loves me. I can be thankful for the amazing friends that I have and thankful that the friends I haven't seen in years are doing well. I have so much to be thankful for.

I want to encourage you guys to use today as an opportunity to remember all of the things that you're thankful for, but I always want to remind you to "be thankful in all things" (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and to remember those that have less to be thankful for than we do.

Praying for you and hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless!
-XTopher

The Adventures of Captain Christopher

Ever wish your life was an action adventure story like those of Indiana Jones or James Bond. I used to think that would be the coolest thing in the world. What if I just had some voice narrating everything I did in some dramatic and action-packed way? Like how awesome would that be?! As I've gotten older, though, I've discovered that it would probably be a terrible idea for my life to be made a radio show. Want to know why? Because this is what it would sound like:

Good evening ladies and gentlemen and thank you for tuning in to 102.3 KLMB "The Boss" (Not a real radio station) On tonight's episode of Lost in Life (not a real radio show), our hero is once again desperately trying to regain the rare and valuable Free-time-ium (not a real item). But with individuals such as Lord Stressage, Count Activities, and the Evil Dr. Homework (Not real people) hot on his trail, will our hero be able to make it to the the temple of serenity (Possibly a real place) in time? Find out NOW! *STATIC*

On second thought, maybe it would be a pick-me-up to hear Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones narrate my life in that kind of way. Maybe I wouldn't be nearly so stressed. Allow me to offer you some advice: learn to say "no". Learn to say "no" to activities you don't want to get involved in, but you're too nice to say so. Learn to say "no" to activities you want to get involved in but don't have time for. Learn to say "no" to yourself when you want to do something but have other things you need to be doing. Basically, just learn to say "no". It's not worth it to be so overworked. Trust me, I'm there. And now that I've signed my soul away to all of these organizations, I'm stuck wondering how I'm going to deal with it all.

We've all been here and we all have our ways of dealing with stress. Since I'm currently dealing with stress out the wazoo, I will fill you in on some of my ways for dealing with stress tomorrow!

Until then: 

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher 

#Below750

So this last week I was challenged to live off of the same budget that people in poverty live off of all around the world. So, for five days, I lived off of $7.50 - that's $1.50 a day. This was part of an awesome project to raise awareness of the conditions of poverty that so many people live in. So, what I did was I went to Wal*Mart and bought bread, peanut-butter, corn, black beans, eggs, and Ramen. My total came out to just below 7.50 and then that's what I had to eat for the week. Then, each night I posted some videos that were kind of a reflection over what I had learned that day. Here's a summary of those reflections:

• Rationing food is really difficult when you're hungry. You see more food. You want to eats the food. But you cannot eats the food, because then you would have no foods to eat on another day. This made Christopher Sad.
• Eating enough is also hard. So, you don't want to eats too much foods because you wants to eats tomorrows. But, if you don'ts eat enoughs today, you will be hungry and tired.
• I'm a student, so I'm not SUPER active, but people who live in poverty often are exerting a whole lot more energy throughout their days and are eating the same amount of food.
• Nutrition goes out the window. In America, we're so concerned with making sure we eat enough nutrients and don't eat too many fats and cholesterol, etc. But, when I was living off of only $7.50, I was paying more attention to which items fill me up and give me more calories than I was with what nutrients or vitamins I received. 
• We don't really pay attention to the amount that we're spending. Before I began the journey, I went to Burger King and got a burger for $7.99. That one meal cost more than what I had to live off of for the next 5 days! 
• Obviously this isn't EVERYONE in America, but isn't it interesting the difference in prices for one meal vs. one week?
• We're picky. I was walking through wal*mart shopping for my week, and I overheard a middle-aged couple arguing over which organic pita bread brand to buy. Meanwhile, I'm just looking for the cheapest items. 
• Authors note: I have absolutely nothing against organic pita bread or the people that buy it. I'm actually a solid supporter for organic farming. However, this really put things into perspective for me. We in America have the luxury of being able to be picky while many people aren't afforded any such privilege.

So, that's some of what I learned through this experience. Honestly, it was really tough, but I'm super glad that I did it! It was such an eye-opening experience and it was a fantastic way to reset my perspective of myself and of others. I encourage you guys to check it out. Just follow the hashtag #SCBelow750 on Facebook or check out Simpson College Spanish Awareness: Living Below $7.50!

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-Christopher Hanson

Forgiveness and Paint Cans

So there's this great sermon series called "God's Will is Whatever" that was preached by Pastor Steven Furtick at Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. I've seen the first three installments of the series and I've absolutely loved it. The third one is called 43 Shades of Orange, and that's what I watched recently. Go ahead, go Google or YouTube it (or click right here), it's fantastic.

Are you back? Did you watch it all? GREAT!
Did you not leave in the first place or give up when you found out it would take more than just a few minutes to watch? I mean, it IS 50 minutes long, but well worth it! I promise! So, for all of you who didn't go watch it or haven't seen it, quick recap:

Pastor Steven talks about discovering God's will and how difficult that can be. But, once we discover God's Will (or His ways) we need to DO them. We actually have to put them into application in our lives. He uses the illustration of paint cans representing the theological and spiritual knowledge we've acquired. We can stack as many paint cans as we want in the basement of our lives, but until we open them up and begin to paint with them, they're useless. In the same way, we need to make sure that instead of getting distracted by figuring out what is God's EXACT will for our lives, we can already be putting His Will into action in the little things every single day.

Of course, as I'm listening to this sermon, I'm nodding along the whole way and agreeing with every word of "go out and do it", "you have to actually do something", and "JUST DO IT" (I'm hearing Shia LaBeouf in my head for some reason.) But, as I've begun to think about things, there are some gaping holes in my life where I am not applying God's Will. There is some knowledge that I have that is still sitting around in the basement that I should be painting with this very moment, but I'm not ... because I'm scared.

So what am I dealing with that's so terrifying? Well, you know how there are all sorts of sermons on unforgiveness and how we need to forgive others like Christ forgave us and what a big deal that is? Yeah, I'm on the other side. I've done some things that have hurt other people in such a way that I wouldn't at all be surprised if there was some unforgiveness. But there's nothing I can do about it, right? I mean all of the sermons we hear preached are over the other person needing to forgive. So, I can just go on about my day without a care in the world, right? Unfortunately, it's not that easy.

I still feel terrible. I want the feeling to go away so I keep wanting to run and beg for these peoples' forgiveness, but I don't at all expect them to forgive me because I haven't forgiven myself. (*boom* life just got real) So what is it that I need to do about this situation? I'm sure I've got some color of paint in this basement that will help me. Somewhere over.. ah, here it is!

God already forgave me

This whole idea of forgiving ourselves is really something we came up with to represent what we do when we keep feeling guilty about something that we have done and continue to relive that moment. Yet I know that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9. So, if I'm already forgiven, then there is nothing for me to continue to fret about right? (Wait, am I forgiven? Have I even asked for forgiveness from God about this? That's kind of step one.) 

To continue to wallow in the fact that I did wrong is kind of like a 5 year old continuing to say that they're sorry every 6 seconds after they get scolded for taking the cookie or bossing their sibling. (Trust me, I was one of those kids.) It's kind of pathetic (and - frankly - annoying) to witness. But, what I did wasn't just some cookie snatching, I really hurt another person. How do I deal with that?

Honestly, I don't even know if I have a can of paint for that one. But, I do have some people in my life who just might let me borrow some of their paint. If you're not catching on to this paint metaphor thing (e.g. "Why's he talking about a paint can?"), I mean that I've got some people in my life that may know more than me about dealing with situations like this. In addition to some great resources, I've also got a great God that is the ULTIMATE SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE (I'm hearing that in some dramatic voice like the one who announces John Cena). 

So, this really is a struggle and a journey for me. I'll keep you updated with how things go. I'm just praying I learn something and that God's perfect will would be done in all of this. I'd love prayers as I try to figure this stuff out and as always:

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher

#PrayForParis

This past week has been nothing short of a tragedy.

Other than my typical lack of sleep, the first half of the week didn't go too bad. In fact, Wednesday morning was actually quite wonderful. I spent some time cleaning up my room and reorganizing my space. I went through everything that I have and cleaned it and found a good place for it. As an 11 year old that would have been torturous, but I needed that so badly. It was almost a physical representation of me cleaning out my life. I took some time and analyzed all the things that are a part of me and found a proper place for them, throwing out the things I didn't need. Then, I took a shower. Gah, that was a wonderful shower. I cleaned myself of all the filth and crap that was clinging on even closer than the things in my life. (Picking up on that metaphor, yet? Just wait, it gets better.)

I'm not completely sure why I chose Wednesday morning to do laundry, clean, and take a long shower, but it just worked out that way. Once I was done, I continued my day with new energy. That's when the storms hit. If you suffered in those storms like some of my friends did or had any damage from the snow, wind, or rain, I am truly sorry. That was such a mess, and it seemed to come out of nowhere. Yet, I was prepared. 

I didn't have to worry about the horizontal rain getting into my room because that morning I had cleaned and shut the windows. I didn't have to worry about not knowing where the things were that I would need to survive the rain, because that morning I put them all away and knew where each one was. I didn't have to worry about fresh clothes, because that morning I did all of my laundry. When the storms of life struck, I didn't have to frantically respond to the tragedy in the way that so many others were doing, because I was prepared. 

Now, Wednesday morning, I wasn't cleaning in preparation of the storms. Rather, I was cleaning simply to clean, but because I did, I was prepared for the worst that life could throw at me. In the same way, I don't daily cleanse myself and spend time with God as some kind of insurance were the worst to happen. I do it simply because I enjoy doing it. But, because I do it, I'm prepared for the worst that this life can throw at me.

Then, Wednesday night we talked about - get this - how being our true and authentic selves is practically equivalent to making ourselves vulnerable and how beautiful that is. A friend of mine in the Religious Life Community gave the message and we talked about identity and who we truly are, and it was fantastic. It is such a great community to be a part of; we recognize each other as individuals and bear each other's burdens.

But, my week was far from over. Thursday, after I didn't sleep well because my roommate was screaming in his sleep, at about 8 at night I wacked my head on a metal bar putting away a cowbell (yep, that's probably the lamest story you've ever heard). This resulted in major bleeding, and then later a a friend giving me a ride to Mercy Clinic. My parents soon arrived to support me and I got three staples in my scalp and a tetanus shot. I'm doing pretty well now, but the thing that amazed me was the support I received from all sorts of people. People were liking and commenting on both my dad and I's posts and so many people were so authentically concerned with my well-being. 

That night, a few of my friends and I were hanging out and we were talking about all of the terrible things that have happened in our weeks. One friend got stuck outside in the horizontal rain hiding beneath a tree and screaming into the wind "don't let me die!". Another friend lost one of their dear friends to suicide earlier that week. So, if you had a crappy week this past week, you are NOT alone. We've all been there. That night we talked about how humanity comes together in some of the most beautiful ways when responding to hurt and pain. The compassion that I saw for one another was, and is, beautiful.

I thought that this was as bad as the week was going to get despite Friday the 13th being the next day. (I'm really not that superstitious.) But it was nowhere near over as tragedy struck Paris on Friday and I was again truly amazed by the amount of compassion as the world grieved for Paris. Go take a look at Facebook or Twitter or any social media and you will see #PrayForParis and people changing there profile pictures everywhere. What an amazing time to be alive that we can come together in such beautiful ways. 

I'd like to encourage you, like I encouraged people on Facebook, pray for Paris, yes. But also pray for those struggling with these "little things" as well. Pray for each place where terror and fear is striking in Japan, Paris, Baghdad, the Middle East, Central America, or even your own backyard. And also lift up those who are battling through depression, those that miss home, those that are stressed from studying, those that are all around us. Let us "carry each other's burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2)

I love you all and continue to pray for each one of you.
Good luck in the real world and God Bless,
-XTopher

Manliness = Vulnerability?

Word association: manliness. GO!

Manliness

• Strong
• Tough
• Facial Hair
• Mighty (Full of Might)
• Macho
• Godly
• Leader
• Do-it-yourself
• Hands-on

So, I actually just played this game with the girls that are in the same room doing productive things as I am. (Update, they are now actually listening to "Men in Tights" from Men in Tights and singing along. Possibly, my fault.) Anyways, not the point. The point is that these are things that some actual people think of when I asked them what words came to mind when I said "manliness". Some other things that are "stereotypical" ideas of manliness:

• Thick-Skinned
• Not-Vulnerable
• Don't Surrender
• Don't Show Emotion

So, why am I pointing these things out? For the reason that I cannot figure out why in the world that something so contrary to my "supposed" culture is so appealing/awarding: surrender. I've noticed in the past few months that being vulnerable is actually one of the most freeing, desirable, and amazing experiences that I can have. Yet, it is so contrary to the culture that I have been "taught" to live by.

Side Note: There are a LOT of quotation marks in this thing!

I've been in the point of my life where I have completely surrendered myself and gave up my every right to control, and it was the most freeing feeling that I have ever had. A great example of this is when I was a little kid. When I was young, my parents were basically in charge of everything. They organized my schedule, drove me around, decided what I was going to eat, fed me, etc. I had 0 stress even though I had 0 control... because I put my complete trust in my parents. My parents were the Lords of my life. 

In my current life, I get to have a similar experience on those days that I completely surrender my day to Christ. When I let Him order my day, things are so much less stressful. When I surrender my talents to Him, I perform so much better. When I honor Him with my time, I'm so much more productive with the rest of my time. But every one of these requires a complete surrender and openness of myself. I have to become completely vulnerable before Christ and sacrifice all of my control to Him. For a control freak, it's so stinking scary and difficult to do this, but it is such an incredibly wonderful and freeing feeling to be able to do so.

Did I mention that it's super freeing? I think I did. 

So, yeah. One of the cool parts about allowing myself to become vulnerable is the freeing feeling that comes with it. Because when I surrender to someone I trust, I don't have to be in charge of anything. And when I'm not doing so hot at adulting lately, not having to adult is great!

Stay in tune for some more revelations of vulnerability!

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher

Superheroes to Super Revelation

So, I know that in my last post I said something about starting a series about superheroes, and there truly is so much I could do with that metaphor. I mean, when you think about any superhero team, it becomes evident that each has different gifts and powers. This is reflected in our own lives through bringing together our different abilities, experiences, talents, and positions in order to accomplish our ultimate goal: growing toward Christ and helping others to do the same. This brings about the second idea. The powers and abilities of the heroes we see in movies is similar to the talents we possess. In addition to our talents, we also have the power of prayer and the Spirit of Christ within us. This power is grown through spiritual disciplines: prayer, focus on the word, fasting, etc. much like the determination and will-power of many superheroes that we see as they train to become stronger. Lastly, they use their powers, will-power, and teams in order to protect their city, the world, or even the universe. This is similar to the way that we are able to protect our friends' and families' lives as well as those of people we've never met all around the world through prayer and acting like-Christ.

All of these things are essential to our walk with Christ, and they are cool to point out from a Superhero perspective. But as you can see, really it only took me a paragraph to write about it. I mean, I could have definitely fluffed it out, but I feel like the above paragraph hit most of the major points. The reason that I kicked off this "series" in the last blog is because I wanted something to talk about: something I would be able to talk about. The problem is that I've been focused on writing about thins that I already knew about. I mean, that's what seems natural. I have a blog, so shouldn't I be helping you guys understand life in some way? (As if I have any better understanding of life than you. Ha!)

When, in reality, this blog was originally to record my journey and not to teach anybody anything. The hope was that you would be able to learn from what I learned. I'm supposed to be seeking God with all that I am for a year so that I learn how to seek Him and learn how to grow. That way, even after this year is done, I will have the skills necessary to continue to grow in amazing ways. Then, I can share what I learn from my experience so that others can learn, too. The problem is that lately, I haven't been learning anything.

Why is that, you may ask. Well, concerned reader, that is a beautifully wonderful question with quite a depressing answer. The biggest reason that I'm not learning anything is because I'm not seeking anything to be taught. What does that mean? It means that instead of seeking God in this time I have set aside to do so, I've allowed myself to get distracted by the normalcy of life.

So, last night I was up until almost 4:00 reading books and studying life so that I can gain a deeper understanding. (I totally got one of those burst of passion.) I'm loving being back to learning and growing deeper in my relationship with Christ, but it took all of those things that I mentioned about heroes. I needed to build up my willpower, use my talents, and depend on those around me (especially the ultimate source of power). So, I have no idea what will come next, but I'm excited to let God be the Lord of my life and follow wherever he leads.

Hopefully the ride will be fun for you as well,
Best of luck in the real world and GOD BLESS,
-XTopher

Christopher Hanson: HERO in the making

So by now I'm sure you've all experienced your fair share of Halloween festivities. Whether you went to a dance, dressed up and hung out with friends, or just stayed at home and handed out candy, in some way or another, I'm sure you saw plenty of people dressed up as all sorts of different things. There were monsters and princesses, Jedi and cartoon characters, and my personal favorite: superheroes. 

For those who don't know, I'm a huge superhero nerd. Maybe not at the comic book guru level, but I do know enough to hold my weight in a conversation about something more in depth than the most recent movie. And, of course, I keep up to date on tv shows like Arrow and Flash. While I do enjoy these shows because there are superheroes and superpowers and complicated plots involved, I think that one of the big reasons that I enjoy them is in the way that they inspire me to use my powers. 

I mean, no, I don't have superpowers in the typical sense of the word; I can't fly, lift buildings, or turn invisible. However, I do have talents and the power to make a difference. I can choose how I use my talents, with whom I spend my time, and where I spend my money. Along with getting to choose what things I support, I also get to choose how I react to life. I get to decide whether I'm going to be a positive influence in this world or a negative one. In essence, I have the option between becoming the hero or the villain. 

In addition to that dramatic parallel between superpowers and myself, there are lots of different ways that superheroes reflect my life as a man-in-the-making and as a child of God. Superheroes have purpose, they have a team, they have their gear, and their city, and many other things that really fill me with a fresh passion for how I'm supposed to be living life! Okay, so I'm a little nerdy, but superheroes really click with me and hopefully they will with you, too even if you don't like superheroes (though I don't know how you wouldn't be able to). Anyways, these similarities are the things I'm going to be exploring and writing about for the next couple of posts. I'm hoping that they're able to give you as much insight and inspiration as they're giving me! 

As always,

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

~χTopher

I'm Baaaaack

Hey Friends,

First of all, major apologies for the duration of my abrupt and unexplained absence. Life has been extremely busy between moving, opera, classes, midterms, etc. In other words, my life has been crazy booked.

Second off, an update.

• My family and I have successfully moved in to our new house in the city. It will definitely take some time getting used to, but luckily I've had the chance to spend some time there this past weekend for Fall Break. Even though it's not where I grew up, it IS where my family is, and that's what's important. 
• The opera went very well and it was really cool to get to play with professional musicians. It really gave me a more mature perspective to music. Not only did I get to play with professional musicians in the opera, but there was also a touring musician that came through our town, and I got to play with him for a midweek service on campus. That was a really fantastic time and I'm beginning to take my music career a lot more seriously. Even if it doesn't become my career, music IS a part of who I am. Whether I continue playing in churches, with professional musicians, or just as a hobby, I'm excited to continue with it. This Just In: The band I play with for midweek service on campus has been invited to be the guest band at a weekend youth retreat! I'm pretty stoked!
• Midterms kind of suck. Just in case you didn't know, they suck. 
• Fall break was awesome. I volunteered a lot, which I love doing!
• I'm going to the Dominican Republic in May. Still pretty stoked about that.
• God is good. (in case you forgot)

It's been a while since I actually woke up with a sense of purpose, but today was one of those days. I finally woke up feeling like I was born to make a difference in the world. Maybe because I was able to catch the pilot episode of Supergirl on CBS and her inner struggle with becoming the hero inspired me? I don't know. More on that later.

Anyways, I'm feeling pretty great today and the only thing that I really changed was that I woke up and said "God, today is yours". Then, I did the unbelievable for me - I surrendered. Instead of just mouthing words and going on with my day as usual. I totally surrendered my day to Christ. Already, it's feeling great and I've only been awake for like an hour! 

I've done this kind of thing before and it's been an amazing experience; it's how I started this year journey. But, I hadn't done this in a while. Why is that? I'm not entirely sure. I know that we experience ups and downs in life and I can't completely tell you why they affect us so much. What I do know is that the reason that I was inspired to surrender this day to Christ is because of what a friend said to me last night.

My friend was talking about how they gave their day to Christ and EVERYTHING went right. In addition to a great and productive day, they experienced amazing growth. It's like giving their day to Christ moved everything together in just the right way so that their entire life began to re-center itself. Talking with them and realizing how excited they were reminded me of the experiences that I have had with the same kind of thing, and I realized how much I missed that feeling. I'm not 100% sure as to why I stopped doing it, but I'm definitely going to start working on getting back into this, and - with God's help - I know I can do it. I know that you can, too. "All" it takes is complete surrender. Trust those of us that have experienced it, it's worth it.

Best of luck in the real world and God bless,

-XTopher

"For I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength" Phil 4:13

"All things work together for the good of those who love Him" Rom 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." Jer 29:11

Half Full

I will not talk about stress. I will NOT talk about stress. I will relax. I will calm down. I will be fine. Deep breath in. 2. 3. 4. Deep breath out. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. Deep breath in. 2. 3. 4. Deep breath out. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Ever have one of those days? Having one right now? Go back and read that calming exercise again. Maybe two or three times. That's what I had to do.

But, I did make a commitment a few days ago to stop talking about how stressed I am because it wasn't helping me at all. So, let us talk about something else; let's focus on the positives. I'm even gonna make a list. Why? Because I like lists and because I'm the boss.

Reasons to not hate everything right now:

1.  I'm alive. 'nough said. Moving on.
2. I go to a kick-butt college with really great opportunities for me
1. I've got an opportunity to go to the Dominican Republic this May on a scholarship. While there, I would get to experience a new culture and serve in several different ways! I love serving so much and this would be such an awesome experience to do something I love while growing at the same time!
2. I've got an opportunity to be part of a summer research program in New Mexico. This opportunity would give me the chance to work on mathematical research and grow in my problem solving, communication, and mathematical modeling skills. I would also get to work with other equally excited students and professionals! (Granted, that probably sounds really nerdy, but you have NO idea how excited I am!!)
3. I get to be richly involved in the mathematics department, computer science department, and music departments at the same time. Yes, there is stress involved, but I am so richly blessed to go to a college where I can really do so much. I was reminded today of another college I visited that told me I would have to pick between all of my interests. At the college I am in, I don't have to. :)
3. I have a family that loves me like crazy.
4. I have some truly amazing friends that have my back regardless of my situation.
5. God Loves me and He is on my side. Nothing can really out-compete this point. I mean, regardless of what I'm going through, God is fighting in my corner. I love the VeggieTales Song "God is bigger than the Boogie Man". It's kind of corny, but it's so true. Whether it's stress, or sickness, or relationship issues, God is way bigger than anything we face.

So, why did I just list off a bunch of things that are spectacular about my life? Was it to make you feel terrible about yourselves and remind you of my superiority? No. Absolutely not. I did this for a few reasons. Number one, because it really helped me get some perspective and remember that my life is not all bad and that I'm not alone. Number two, to maybe give you an example of what thinking positive actually looks like. I try to be as tangible and down to earth as possible instead of preaching mysterious phrasings which sound very deep and theological but are difficult to implement because of the lack of understanding.

So there is my example of looking at the glass half-full. Believe it or not, for a very long period of my life, I was extremely pessimistic. I found the negative in every single situation. Luckily, I've got amazing parents that wouldn't let me get away with that. Through a lot of discipline and instruction and practice, I've learned how to alter the patterns of my mind and begin to see the positive in situations. I say this so that you know it is possible to change your behavior or even your thoughts. I've been there and if I (the crazy math nerd from the Midwest) can do it, you can do it.

Praying for you!
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
-Christopher

I'm Christopher

To catch you up: My life has been crazy for the past several years. So much is changing all around me and I'm having trouble trying to make sense of it all. So, I'm taking a year to myself to try to define who I am, understand life, and begin a lifelong process of self-growth. For the past week, I've done a lot of complaining, but now I'm ready to get back to focusing on God and who He has for me to be...

I heard a phrase tonight that beautifully captures a major point of this journey.

"If you were to write an autobiography, what would the first sentence be?"

Basically, this is asking what it is that we define ourselves as or what we want to be defined as. It made me wonder "how would I start it?" What words would I use to describe myself to an audience that knows nothing about me? Would I tell them I'm Christian? Or would I start out by saying I'm a male? Would I define myself by my age-range, my hometown, my political affiliation? Each of these things brings with it its own stereotypes and connotations in other people's minds, and I have no idea of what set of knowledge, experiences, or memories that my audience possesses. There is no way that I can predict how I will be perceived by what I use to introduce myself with because each person is so uniquely different.

In all honesty, there is really no "safe" adjectives I can use that wouldn't offend someone or give somebody the wrong idea of who I am. There are several things that I am, but based on how many people perceive them, I don't want these things to represent me: teenager, college student, Christian, even white or male. There are other things that I so badly want to define me, but I'm not sure that I can honestly say that they describe who I am: loyal, loving, caring, responsible, trustworthy. There are other things that I don't want to define me, but they may more accurately depict my lifestyle: busy, stressed, prideful, insecure. So, with all of these different ideas of who I am, and many others that I didn't list, I am forced to ask the question: which of these - if any - is me?

How am I supposed to define me? Do I define it based on who I actually am? Do I define it based on my worst qualities? My best qualities? By who I used to be? By who I want to be? By stereotypes that I fit? By personality traits others can understand? Physical features? Talents? Hobbies? Interests? What my major is? Who my friends are? How do I define me??

This has been one of the most frustrating questions that I have been asking myself for years. Let's be honest, this will be a question that I will be asking myself for years. No one can truly tell us the best way to describe themselves. I think that this is, in part, because we aren't 100% sure of who we are. So, how can we describe someone we don't fully understand to someone else? We can't. Like I said, there are no adjectives that can perfectly sum up who we are. We can't really compare ourselves to others because each of us is unique. We can put ourselves in "boxes" because we are way more complex than just one set of characteristics.

So, I've decided I know the perfect way to describe myself. This may be really anti-climatic and quite cheesy, but I love this idea. I'm going to define myself not by what I do, or what I like, or how I act. Instead, I'm going to define myself by one simple word: my name.

I'm Christopher. 

I don't quite know what that means yet. I am of the belief that we get to choose for ourselves who we want to be. We get to choose how we act and what we do. Since this will be an ever-changing state of being, there are no fixed words that will be able to accurately describe who I am. The only word that can continuously describe me is my name, because as I change, its meaning changes as well.

So if I can encourage you at all, I would love to say don't try to fit yourself into some societal "box" of specific attributes. Don't try to be "the athlete" or "the Christian" or "the artist" or anything. Don't try to fit in perfectly with your group of friends. Don't try to act the way that society expects your stereotype to act. Don't try to stand out. Just be yourself and be okay that you won't be the same tomorrow that you are today.

Maybe this is common-sense to you all, but it's new to me. I'd love prayers as I continue to figure this out.

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
-Christopher

Home Again, Home Again

Have you ever been away from home for an extended period of time? Maybe it was a summer camp, or college, or something more extravagant. Regardless of where it was or how long, do you remember the feeling you had when you got home after you'd been away? You walked up to that familiar door and opened it to a welcoming sight and smell that always makes you feel like you are home. You walked into the home where you can be yourself and relax and know that you are surrounded by people who love you. That's one of my favorite feelings in the world, and it's very much how I've felt this weekend.

If you don't know, my family is moving from the house we've been in for 14 years this Wednesday. That means that this weekend is my last weekend to be home before we move. As I walked up to the door on Friday, I realized that this feeling of "Homecoming" will be one of the last ones I feel for a while. I can't begin to tell you how much I'll miss that place, but I'm excited for what God has next. 

Not only is this my last weekend at home but also the last weekend my family will be attending our home church. All in all, there's a lot of goodbyes this weekend. It is so fantastic to be part of a church family! Not only did I get a ton of hugs and lots of heartfelt goodbyes, but the entire church family prayed for us before we left. THAT was awesome! I had friends' moms who I knew since I was little, my former youth pastor, and people who had seen me grow up praying over me and my family. It's so fantastic to be part of a church family like that. Which makes it even harder to say goodbye.

I mean, I love my campus church family, but it's not home, you know? This whole move thing has me terrified about finding a new place to fit in and call home. 

But here's what I know: my home isn't actually in any physical building or even with a certain group of people. My home is in Christ. Even when everything else is changing around me, I still have a home in Christ. The problem is that even though I know that intuitively, I don't fully practice that. I'm not truly rooted in Christ in the way that I want to be. So, I'm gonna work on that. I'll use this move as a catalyst in rooting myself in Christ.

Thanks for the prayers and know I'm praying for you.

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-Christopher

 

Doctor's Orders: Rest

Alright folks. It's time. Here it is, in the flesh (well, in the pixels): the last post about being so stressed out. Now, I know what you're all thinking "But Christopher, we love hearing you complain so much! What will we do without your whiny posts about how terrible your life is?" I promise you all, you'll be able to survive without my excessive immature complaints. So why am I trying to get away from talking about stress? Well, there are a number of reasons. The largest being that talking about stress stresses me out. Unfortunate, isn't it? So instead of focusing on the stress. I've chosen to focus on something else.

Last night I told you all that I was going to be going to the doctor's soon to deal with my stress. Of course, I meant this metaphorically since I didn't actually go to the doctor's office to deal with my stress (although that is a valid option). But just like when our bodies are in pain we go to someone who has dedicated their life to studying and understanding the human body, when stressed it is wise to seek counsel from the one who understands our stress the best. Of course, I'm talking about Jesus.

See, when I'm super stressed, there's a few verses that come to mind.

For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Be still and know I am God. Psalm 46:10

It's the second one that I have so much trouble with. In such a hectic world, it's difficult to "be still", you know. So, that's what my "doctor's appointment" was about. I had to take time to do something that is very contrary to my typical nature: I had to surrender. See, like a lot of American's, I'm very much a control freak. I like to be in charge of my future, my surroundings, my relationships, my education, everything. I try to do it all and use that first verse as my encouragement, but I'm missing an important part of it.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I'm trying to do all things, but I'm forgetting that in order to do so, I need God's help. That means I need to give Him complete access into my life. I need to stop trying to control everything and give it to God instead. That doesn't mean that I stop working or getting things done. It just means that I give God complete permission to take over in my life. This can be a scary thing because with God in charge, I have no control over what will happen next, but the reward is well worth it.

Stress wasn't something that I was supposed to live with. It wasn't a burden I was meant to bear. So, I'm giving it to Christ, because He is willing and able to bear it. Not only will He bear it, but He already did. Just like Christ died so I no longer have to live under the curse of sin and death, I'm no longer obligated to live under stress either. So, since Christ has paid the price and bore my stress and sin on the cross, I'll just focus on bearing Him.

Phew. It's good to be done with stress. Such a relief.

I hope you aren't super stressed and that things are going well!
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
-XTopher

Stress: Home Remedies

So, I need to be done talking about stress. I've been so focused on stress in these blogs that I've had no escape from it in reality. It's like having a cold that just won't go away: I just need to go to the doctor and get the medicine and be done with it. So that's what we're going to do. But before I share with you the Doctor's Orders, I'd love to let you in on some home remedies for Stressitis.

The first thing you can do to overcome this ailment is avoid getting sick. Don't overbook yourself. Get stuff done immediately, and DON'T PROCRASTINATE. Focus on getting the important thins done and save the fun stuff for when you have time. Keep well rested, and try to avoid getting yourself into things that drain your emotional, mental, or physical energy. 

So, let's say you're already past that point. You've overbooked, or you're overworked, or you have a bunch of things to do and have no idea how you'll find time to do it all. Here are some of the ways I've been taught to survive and thrive in times of stress:

1) Do everything you would do to avoid stress. (Don't procrastinate, don't put more on your plate)

2) Prioritize. What's due first? What's the most important? What will take the longest? Get these things started first.

3) Split it up. Split your work into smaller sections and accomplish each of these throughout the day or the time you have. It doesn't always work to just push through. Take breaks.

4) Limit distractions. Facebook, Instagram, Netflix, texting, etc. are the worst enemies of productivity. Don't try to do both at the same time. It helps me to do work in a "work place" like the library or classroom so I get in to a work mentality.

5) Do something fun. Stress often comes because we have a LOT to do. It can help to take your mind off of the stuff you need to et done and do something that helps remove stress. Go for a jog, play piano, color, lift, go for a drive, talk with friends, etc. Careful: Use these things as ways to limit stress and not cause more.

6) SLEEP. Don't neglect sleep, it just makes us more susceptible to stress. 

But lately I've needed a lot more than a simple home remedy. Like with this cold I'm still battling, I need to swallow my pride and seek out a doctor. In the case of my cold that probably means visiting a clinic (bleh). As for my stress issue, that means seeking out the one who knows my mental state better than any other: Jesus Christ. Tune in tomorrow and I'll fill you in on how that goes and what He prescribes. Maybe it will help you, too.

Until then, 

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher

Tithing with Time

Have you ever been super duper busy for a super long time? And then one day you get an opportunity to get the things on your list done, and get a ton of stuff done? Isn't that like the greatest feelings in the world!? Well, have you ever thought you had everything done only to discover at 19:00 that you have more to do and you have no time to do it? That's like the worst feeling in the world.

Yeah, that happened today, and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to get everything to work out, but I'm trusting God to help me through this. How can I have such faith that God will take care of me and help me with my time? Well, it's because starting tomorrow, I'm going to give Him the first part of my day. 

Here's what I know: God promises that if we give Him the first of our yield (by tithing) that He will bless us in our finances. "Test me in this," He says. I know that one of the reasons God has us do this is to give us a tangible way to show our faith by putting Him first in something so valuable to us. It also gives God an opportunity to bless us in unimaginable ways.

See, God is able to do so much in our lives but He's also a gracious God. If we don't want Him in an area of our lives, He won't force Himself into it even though He wants to. So, when we don't give God permission to enter a certain aspect of our lives by giving Him a piece of it, it's like we're telling Him, "thanks God, but I got this; I don't need any help." I believe this applies to our finances, our time, and even our lives. 

So, I've decided to give God the first part of my day. I don't necessarily have to give home the first part of my day. Just like it's not magical where we pray, it's doesn't matter when we spend time with God, either. I, however, have simply decided to sacrifice a few minutes of sleep as a symbolic reminder to give Christ what rightfully belongs to Him, the first or best of everything I am.

That means I'm getting up early tomorrow. If I'm honest, I'm not excited to get up early. But I am excited to see God take over my time and see how He uses it. So now I'm gonna hit the sack and trust God with a super valuable part of my life: my time. I hope this goes well.

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher 

Reputation

One of the big things I've been learning lately is how to be me. I've discovered that I have a say in who I am. So, tonight I spent some time jotting down some attributes that I want to posses. When other people look at me, I want them to see a man who works hard, does things to the best of his ability, spends time with God, loves people, and is responsible and courteous. So, those are the things I'm trying to replicate. I just think about what someone who possesses all of those characteristics would do in a specific situation and then do that. Okay, it's not quite that simple. It's going to take some habit breaking and changing some thought patterns, but I've done it before so I can do it again. I'm trusting God to work in me through this to help me become the man He has for me to be.

So, if I'm concerned with how God wants me to be, then why am I focusing on how other people view me? Isn't that like some kind of sin? Allow me to explain what I mean here.

A few years ago I wrote a statement about reputation that I'd love to share with you. In essence, the point I was trying to make is that my reputation is important. I am supposed to be representing God in everything I do. That means that my reputation should be one that reflects who God is. Basically, my reputation needs to be one of Love.

   Reputation is one of the most important things when it comes to this idea of popularity, a principle that justifies one person being better than others (which is ridiculous in my opinion). Now I have been trained to believe that the way people perceive me is independent of who I actually am and that I shouldn't worry about how others see me. However, as an ambassador for God, I am discovering that my REPUTATION is more important than I initially realized. 
     You see, reputation  means that everything I do reflects on everything I am associated with. In turn, everything I am associated with can change my reputation. For example: I am associated with the band, math, speech/drama, and chorus programs at our school. I am also associated with my friends and family. The closer I am associated with those things: the more they affect my reputation. My reputation is an overall quality of my character based on how others see me. This is affected by what I choose to associate myself with as well as the choices I make, words I say, and actions I do. One can have a reputation based on an individual characteristic such as loyalty, or their abilities, their successful-ness, and many other things. The way you manipulate your reputation in turn affects your popularity.
     As a follower of Christ, I must be careful that my reputation is Godly. How do others see me? How do others perceive me? I need to associate myself with things that reflect who I am. Do the activities I am involved in reflect the way I want people to see me? Do the people I let into my life reflect how I want other's to see me? In order to answer that I had to ask myself, How do I want other's to see me? 
    I could be anything. Not even the sky is the limit. I could be popular, I could be the nerd, the quiet one, the quitter, the jerk, the player, the friend. I could be known for my talents, my discoveries, my entertainment, or my character. The problem I have found is that none of these things are eternal qualities. 

This doesn't mean that I put my emphasis in life in getting other people to view me a certain way, and I definitely shouldn't be placing my self worth in whether or not people view me a certain way. However, I know that all of my actions should point people towards Christ. So, that's what I'm going to focus on, with His help.

Let me know what you guys think about reputation and personality! 

Good luck in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher

 

What I'm learning from Goodbyes

 Sundays are always great days and today has been no exception. Today started off with me getting a ton of homework done (always nice to feel accomplished). Then, I went home for the afternoon and got to hang out with my family before they left for a show. After my parents and sister left for the Civic Center, I had the opportunity to walk my dogs, which I absolutely loved.

When I was a kid, I used to run around my back yard with sticks and beat up all of the imaginary bad guys. I created a lot of characters, then, that I still use in stories I'm writing today. Walking my dogs in the same yard that I have all of those memories in was very poetic and emotional. I am moving in just over a week and this was probably the last chance that I will have to get to spend time in that back yard. Of course, having the opportunity to say goodbye to my childhood play place was super emotional for me (the already over-emotional individual) and I was crying a decent amount. But, upon some self reflection and prayer on my way back to campus this evening I was reminded of that important lesson I'm learning: life is about balance.

One of my natural instincts is to try to keep everything the same in order to preserve the memories. The only other option, in my mind, is to forget the memories and just let things change. Wouldn't you know it, neither of these are super healthy. I need to cherish the memories, and the lessons, and the mistakes I've made in life as I grow, but I don't need to be afraid of the change. All the things I've learned, all the different memories I have at all the different fazes of life, every stupid and awkward moment were essential in helping me become the man I am today. While I want to just sit and wallow in those memories, I need to let them do their job and help me continue to grow.

At the same time, change is good, but it doesn't mean I should abandon certain parts of my past. Just because my family is moving to a new house and things are changing, it doesn't mean I should completely forget all of the memories I made in the old house. In the same way, although I'm getting older and learning new ways to live life, I shouldn't abandon the things that make me me. For example, I used to be a super spontaneous and rambunctious kid. As I've gotten older, I've learned that people often view those kind of people as slightly (very) annoying. So, I've stopped being the energetically positive kid and started taking on a more pessimistic attitude to fit in to the world. I'm realizing now that even though I've learned that it's not always appropriate to be super obnoxious, it doesn't mean I should abandon that part of me to become someone else.

I am me. That's who God made me to be and that's who I want to be. But, I kind of get to define who that is. That's both scary and exciting and I'm loving/hating every minute of it. So, I've decided to be true to who I want to be and not worry about how well I fit into this world. I mean, if we're honest, we all want to be unique. I've discovered that it's very hard to be unique when you're fighting to be normal.

So that's what I'm learning. I've decided to come up with who I want to be: the actions, thoughts, mannerisms, habits, character, and attitude of the man that God has called me to be, and then work on being that.

I hope this has encouraged you guys or made you think in a little bit different way. I hope your lives are going wonderfully!
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
-Hanson

Balance: Not my Forte

Today was a day filled with all sorts of different lessons to be learned. I mean, let's be 100% honest here, every day is filled with its own trials, challenges, accomplishments, and beautiful little metaphors for life. I suppose that's one of the things that I'm growing to learn. Just like it's so crazy to think that every stranger I encounter has a life just as complex and vibrant and full as mine, it's crazy to think that every single day is filled with incredible opportunities to learn and grow in massive ways! Isn't that so weird to think about?!

We could even, if we wanted to, say that every hour, every minute, and every second give us an infinite number of experiences to embrace life. To try to track our thought patterns or emotions over one day, let alone one hour, would be an impossible task. Think with me, if you will, about all of the things you've done today: all the different ways that you've felt, all of the different things you've thought about, all the different people you've talked to, what you ate, where you walked, what you read, what you did. It's exhausting just to think about, isn't it?! Yet, we live like this every single day: a roller coaster of thoughts, feelings, sensations, conversations, and tasks. 

One thing that I'm learning, is that it's totally okay to live life that way. I mean, we all do it. I used to think that if I didn't slow down and completely enjoy every fleeting second, that I wouldn't be able to truly live. Then, when that became super exhausting, I tried to forget the present emotions and just push forward through life by getting done what needed to get done and not looking back. Neither of those attempts to enjoy life to its fullest (what a great phrase) gave me any satisfaction. This is something that I have recently begun to understand: life is about balance.

Yes, we need to get things done and plan for the future and work towards it. Yes, we need to enjoy the sensations that surround us in each day. Yet, if we focus on either of these things with our whole being - all of our energy - then, we won't be able to experience the other at all. I'm finding that I need to learn how to balance between the two things. I need to learn how to live in the moment while still working toward the future. I'm not great at it, but with God's help I'm slowly figuring it out.

I hope and pray that you can figure it out for yourself as well and if you've already got it figured out, please share! I'm sure every one of us could learn a lot from your wisdom!

Best of luck  in the real world and God Bless,

-XTopher

Deadlines and Sickness got me like

Zero words. Zero thoughts. I literally have no idea what to write about tonight. I don't have any witty comment about anything that happened. I have no creative spin on the events of my day. I have no life lesson to share from today. So, I don't know what to talk about. It's 11:00 o'clock at night and I have no idea what to say. So, come take a seat. Let me tell you about me.

I guess since you can't see me, I'm male, pale, freckled, average height, dark hair, blue eyes. But let's not focus on my flawless physical appearance (okay, so NOT flawless). I'm a Math and Computer Science major and very involved in music at the college I attend. I drum and I love it. My favorite food is fried chicken. My favorite color is green, and my favorite animal is the giraffe. Um, I'm a huge Star Wars and Superhero fan and I'm super excited for the next Start Wars movie that comes out this December.

Gosh, what else do you want to know? Um, I'm Christian which means "like Christ". I view my faith a whole lot less like a religion and a whole lot more like a relationship. I'm sure you've heard that kind of expression before, but I really do mean that. I love my dad's saying: "I'm only religious about getting up and peeing in the morning". Oh man, I've got some kick butt parents. My dad's a super caring and generous and compassionate guy that has taught me a lot about what it means to be a man of God through the example of his own life. My mom is a miracle worker. She took this weird, socially awkward, fragile, emotionally unstable kid and turned him into a weird, much less socially awkward, secure in Christ young man. I guess if we're giving credit to where credit is due, the real miracle worker in my life is God. If it weren't for Him, I'd be a whole lot different than I am now. That's for sure.

Who else has been influential in my life? That's easy: my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and - most importantly - my siblings. I absolutely adore my siblings even though that wasn't always the case. My sister used to be a major brat (maybe that's just how I perceived her) and I tried to boss her all the time. That didn't roll over very well. And my brother - well, have you ever seen those movies with the really nerdy kid that gets picked on at school? That was me. But unlike those movies, when I came home, it was worse. My brother was the kind of kid that picked on kids like me. He and I did not agree (I tried to boss him, too). We got into several fist fights when we were younger. There are holes all over my house (the one I'm soon moving from) that tell the stories of our battles. He and I fought constantly. I've chased him around the house with a knife. He's choked me and thrown me on the floor. I've hit him with a stool. He left a softball sized bruise on my shoulder blade. Those were not good times.

But despite my poor history with my siblings, God worked through it and us. Now, my brother is my best friend and I absolutely adore, respect, and LOVE him - more than he'll know. My sister and I, though five years apart, are super close and I wouldn't trade our goofy conversations for the world. I absolutely love my family, but it's God that brought us to where we are. I can't ever forget that. There's a lot of things that have happened in my life that I am super grateful for, but my family is the biggest.

So, I guess that's me. Now, tell me about you?

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

XTopher

I'm Sick and that's a good thing?

I have discovered something new about college life. When your roommate is sick, you might as well go out and buy some meds because it's only a matter of time before you're doing homework in your pajamas surrounded by a pile of Kleenex. Now, each of the four of us that live in the same room are at different stages of the sickness: one is about over it; one is at the peak with a fever; I've got a stuffy nose, soar throat, and a headache; and the last one is just starting to get it.

The funny thing is, as roommates, we've bonded a whole lot more while we're sick than when we weren't. It's been in our weakness that we have had the humility and the necessity to reach out to to each other - even if that just means asking for a tissue. We also all have something to connect over now. We have a point of brokenness to connect over. In this case, we just complain about our symptoms and remind each other to get rest, drink water, and take meds, but can you already begin to see the parallels here?

Last night, a good friend of mine brought up an absolutely awesome point. One of the big reasons that we as humans are able to connect is because we are all broken. We're able to connect over our pain. That's why tragedies were (and still are) such a big deal with Shakespearean plays. We grow so much closer through our sadness. I've noticed that there's kind of two different ways that we relate in terms of our pain: either because we have done something we regret, or because we have experienced some kind of pain outside of our control.

Last night, while our little group just sat around and chatted, we talked about the mistakes we've made and the pain we've felt, and we were able to uplift and encourage each other. It's so awesome to be able to have friends around you that you can share your mistakes and pain with and feel completely vulnerable around. I don't know what it is, but there is an awesomeness in being vulnerable before someone.

A few scriptures jump out at me when thinking about this subject:

You keep track of all my sorrows.
     You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
     You have recorded each one in your book
Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

This verse reminds me that with Christ we don't even have to list our sorrows because He already knows them and keeps them on record. He cares so much that He remembers every single thing that has happened to us.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.
Hebrews 4:13 (NLT)

Not only does He know everything that has happened to us, but He knows everything we've done. There's no way that we can hide from Him.

The coolest part:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9a(NIV)

His grace is enough to completely forgive us! Plus, just like we can grow closer to others through our sorrow or our sickness, it's our vulnerability before the Lord that shows us just how powerful He is. And that is an amazing feeling.

I hope this was an encouragement to you and that you can experience the truly freeing feeling of opening yourself up before people, and more importantly, God.
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
XTopher

Finding my Wings

Lately I have been having some pretty tough days. I've been super stressed and pulled to my limits, but tonight something super duper awesome happened.

At the college I attend, we have a non-denominational mid-week service in the chapel on campus, and it's a ton of fun. There are a ton of great people, and I love getting to come to service. What's more is that I get to play drums in the worship service which is literally the coolest thing. I love playing drums so stinking much. Like: music is amazing, drumming is amazing, worship is amazing, so all of it together is like amazing to the third power!

A friend of mine refers to this kind of experience as "letting your wings show". It's the point where you are so completely content with life that you are being 100% yourself. It's the situations in life where you are the most comfortable and letting your true identity show: letting your wings show. Drumming is like that for me; it's like it's one of the things that I was created to do.

I'll be completely honest, I'm not a super talented drummer, but it's something that I absolutely love! Unless you've experienced this kind of feeling of letting your wings show, there's no way that I can describe how amazing and freeing it is. The best metaphor that I can give is the feeling of flying. Imagine yourself speeding through the night sky with the air rushing past your face and the ground speeding away from you as you twist and turn on a midnight roller coaster ride. That kind of feeling is what I feel when I'm drumming - when I'm worshiping God through my instrument.

You know where else I find this feeling? People. I LOVE PEOPLE! I have such a crazy huge heart for people! So, when after the midweek service I got to hang out with some incredible people and have some crazy relaxed but spontaneous conversation, it was the best thing for my terrible mood. I got to cast my cares on Christ in worship and then experience His creation of relationship through incredible conversation.

Maybe I'm finding out who I am by finding out what it is I do when I'm showing my wings.
Sorry, I'm so spontaneous in this, but I'm actually typing this while hanging with these awesome people. So, I'm gonna take off now! I pray you guys find your wings! It's the coolest feeling in the world!

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
XTopher :)

Stress, Sarcasm, and Saying "I'm Sorry"

I'm one week in to this year long challenge and I've go to be honest: I am exhausted. Like, there is soo much work to get done ALL. OF. THE. TIME! I haven't even had time for friends lately and I feel terrible, but I have so much I have to get done that there's no way I could do both. I feel like I'm constantly running from one place to the other and getting pulled in every single direction. If I have a single - SINGLE - moment of free time, someone texts me telling me to go do something or I get an email adding on another assignment or I get informed of yet another obligation to complete.

It's like there's some giant sign that goes off every time I'm not 100% busy and the populous of the world decides that I need to have something else to do. Then, all of the people of the world get together and play rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets to be the one to add one more thing to my already obscenely long to-do list. It's like a giant punch in the gut from every living being. 

So, if you're out there and you've realized that you're one of the people that decides to convene at secret meetings to destroy my life, could you, like, not? That'd be great. Thanks :)

I get really passive aggressive and snappy when I'm tired and frustrated. Sorry. I used to be able to deal with it a lot better, but I've gotten into the habit of letting it go at college. Remember what I said about habits yesterday? Yeah, bad ones are hard to quit. So, if you would be praying for me in this attitude adjustment that I need, that would be super-duper awesome. I need to be less sarcastic and less passive aggressive. Neither of those things is helping me any.

To add to the stress of the already stressful day, I ran into someone that I've major damaged as of recent (one of those people I really hurt). [Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out:  Losing Confidence and Superman T-Shirts]. Anyways, we only said a quick "hey" and kept walking, but my heart was racing I was so nervous. I mean, I feel TERRIBLE about what I've done and I really want to apologize, but I'm also really scared to do so. I know that sounds kind of childish, but I really really don't know what to do here. I'm so bad with people and relationships and the like that I'm absolutely terrified of making things worse.

"What if it's better for them if I just let it go and don't try to get back in to their life?"

"What if it's better for them for us to talk and me to apologize?"

"What's God's perfect Will for all of this?"

I DON'T KNOW! And even if I did have an answer, I wouldn't know how to proceed from there. This is, honestly, one of the biggest things I've struggled with in my life and I don't have Mom or Dad to hold my hand through this. Adulting is hard, guys. It's really hard. *Pout*.

In all seriousness, I know that following God's Will and hearing God's voice - whether it's about my stress, attitude, or forgiveness - are not easy things to do. What I do know is that God has made it possible for us to find ourselves in Him. To follow His Will is to seek to reflect the example of His Son. To hear His voice is to spend time with Him daily in prayer and in word. So, that's what I need to be doing: praying, reading His word, and striving daily to represent Him. So, with any luck, that's what I'll be doing tomorrow and maybe I can get some answers, change my attitude, and even reduce my stress.

I'd love any prayer support you want to send my way!
Best of luck in the real world and God bless,
XTopher

P.S. I do realize that I have probably sounded like a whiny little kid though most of this. No, I do not always sound like this (at least I hope I don't). Sometimes I just need to get my whiny, immature thoughts and attitudes out of my head so I can start fresh. That fresh start is exactly what I needed tonight, so thanks so much for bearing through this with me.

Lessons from Habits

You know what's so weird about life? Habits. Like, bad habits are so hard to quit that we have rehab centers and  therapists that work with people for months or years to help them overcome bad habits. On the other hand, good habits are so hard to keep that we need accountability partners and personal trainers to keep us on the right track. Some habits we can't shake and others we can't keep up. Am I the only one to find that odd?

And you know what else? Our spiritual life is so similar. Like reading the bible and praying can be so hard to start and even harder to keep up while sitting around and eating cheese puffs while watching Once Upon A Time on Netflix and surfing Facebook is so easy! (Maybe that's just me.) 

One thing that's helped me is starting each day right. It's like if I can start the day right, then everything else goes right. And lately, that's been working really well. Even today, although I missed my alarm and didn't get up until late, I've had a great day. 

I've actually been sticking with my good habits which is definitely a huge accomplishment for me. Like, usually I've quit by like hour 3. I think it's helping that instead of trying to take on everything at once (waking up early, praying for hours, living confidently, eating right, reading God's Word, and teaching others all at the same time) I'm kind of slowly building up. For example, today I've spent time in prayer as I walked across campus, read a little bit of scripture, and kept myself from giving into temptation. But it wasn't anything super hard. And that's going really well. God keeps giving me opportunities to grow in Him.

I'm excited to keep growing and see where God leads. 

Good luck in the real world and God Bless,

XTopher 

My Rooster Crowed

I'm super excited about this journey because it's giving me the opportunity to grow at such an accelerated rate. I get to "learn at my own pace" which means that as soon as I get the lesson down and pass the tests I move on to the next lesson. At least, that's how I foresee it working out. One problem, I'm still facing the same issue in my life. I'm still feeling the same way. It's like I can't get past this until I do something different. I can't get over this issue of regret.

REGRET.

I love the example of Peter when thinking about regret. (Don't know the story? Check it out in John 18:25-27) The guy denied Christ three times and then the rooster crowed reminding him of what he just did. He did some terrible things and in the moment, while I'm sure he felt bad, he really didn't think too much of it. Then, when the rooster crowed, he instantly felt all of the shame and hurt he had caused. It became real to him. He had some major regret, but when Jesus came back and saw Peter, he asked him three times if Peter loved Him. (John 21:15-17) It's so poetic and perfect; it's as if Christ was giving Peter the opportunity to make up for each time he denied Christ. Peter had to get right before God and he had to get right with the person he caused harm to. In this case, they were the same person.

But regret's not something that I usually have. There were literally like 2 or 3 moments in my past that I really regretted and I've went to God about it and I've went to the people I've hurt and I've made amends and that's all I can really do. Every now and then that regret will sneak up, but I just remind myself I've done all I can do and now it's in God's hands.

Well, lately there are some more parts of my life that I really regret. I felt awful when I did them, but I didn't think all that much of it. Recently, I've had some things revealed to me that have made me realize how much damage I caused to someone else. My rooster has crowed, and it kills me inside to know the pain I've inflicted. I've asked God for forgiveness and I've asked God to help the other people to forgive me. The thing is, I still haven't really given them the opportunity to forgive. I haven't apologized. And like Peter, I need to make amends for what I've done.

Knowing what this situation is and who I've hurt, this is one of the scariest things that I will have to do, but I have this deep feeling in my gut that this is what I need to do and it's the ONLY way that I'm going to pass the test on this lesson and move forward in my journey. As much as forgiving is a freeing feeling for the person who forgives, I feel like apologizing is a freeing feeling for the person with regret. To go back and say, "I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry I hurt you" is so humbling and takes such a weight off of your chest.

Now, I just need to figure out how and when and what to say and AHH! Panicking! *Deep Breath* Really what I need to do is keep praying and allow God to work in both of our lives. I need to let Him fight my battles, and then have the confidence in Him to do what I need to do: apologize.

This is a scary time for me, but I know God is going to move in incredible ways through this and bring me and those I've hurt closer to Him and closer to who we need to be. I'm trusting Him, and for a control freak that's a BIG deal. Wish me luck. I'd love any prayers you guys can send my way.

Best of luck in the real world and God bless,
XTopher

Thank God for Smartphones

So I'm writing this blog at 23:20 because I haven't had the chance to write anything all day. I'm also writing it on my phone because I've been on a walk for the past several hours and haven't had the chance to access a computer. So, yeah. That's my life.

Nothing super exciting happened today. I tried doing the prayer closet thing a little bit this morning and it went really well. I feel really good about this and I'm excited to keep it up and see where it goes. Hopefully I'll be living in such confidence that people will begin to ask questions and I'll be able to answer. (The latter part is what I'm worried about)

Other than that, my day has been pretty uneventful. I ate lunch and sang "We're off to see the wizard" with some newfound friends as we skipped across campus. I did homework for about 5 hours straight while listening to worship music. Then, I went and had a BLT and I've been on a walk while talking about life with a good friend for the past several hours. I guess that's my version of uneventful.

But sometimes uneventful is totally okay. Sometimes we need a break from all the crazy so that we can reserve our strength to jump into more crazy. So now I'm going to take off and get back to my walk.

I hope your week went well and that you can find the times of peace in your life that we all need.

Good luck in the real world and God Bless, 

-Christopher 

Closet Christian

Lately, I have been very focused on building up my confidence in myself, my abilities, and who I am in Christ, but to be honest, I'm not quite the unashamed Christian that I once was. See, I used to be this totally on fire Christian teen who was always seeking God in the word and praying for my friends and family and posting encouraging Christian-y stuff on Facebook (yep, I was one of those guys). But now, I'm more of a closet Christian.

I don't pray all the time like I used to, and when I do, it's half hearted. I don't dig into the scripture in the passionate way that I used to. I don't really connect with a community of believers. I'm not being challenged to teach others. I don't passionately live out my faith in daily life. I don't openly talk about Christ. I don't look at every situation by thinking of God first. I'm growing more and more into the thing I always feared being: lukewarm.

Now, I kind of practice my faith in the closet. I keep my beliefs and life philosophies to myself and don't really speak out like I used to. You want to know what that's done to my faith and my walk with Christ? It's made it grow stale and lukewarm. I've lost so much momentum in my life in God. I'm just kind of sitting here and not growing, not learning, not being the man God made me to be.

But that's all about to change. It's time for me to change the definition of a closet Christian. See, in Matthew 6:6 it talks about going into your inner room, shutting the door, and seeking God in prayer. You may have hear the term prayer closet. While there is absolutely nothing magical about the location that we pray, I do believe that, at times, we need to separate ourselves from the world and spend some quality time with the Lord.

It's in that time - the time in our prayer closets - that we are able to be the most sincere with Christ and participate in some true spiritual warfare (WAR!!!!). I mean, that's where we are! We're at WAR with the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy everything God wants to do in us. We need a generation that is completely and totally on fire for Christ and is spending some major time in their prayer closets doing some major spiritual fighting. There are so many things in this world that are trying to put out that flame. I know, I've experienced a lot of them and they've succeeded in pushing me off of my path, but I won't let that happen anymore.

You know why? Because I'm going to be spending some time in my prayer closet, whether that's my dorm room, the track, the practice field, the trail by campus, or the library study rooms. I'm going to let the devil know that he has no power over me and kick him out of my life and focus on what God can do through me.

We need an army to rise up. But how can I preach at you and tell you what to do if I'm not willing to do it myself? So, I'm going to start making some changes in my life and doing some new things. Stay tuned, I'll keep you updated on what I'm doing and how God is moving through me. I'm so excited to see where He takes me when I completely surrender and submit to Him and then begin to fight on His front lines. It's time for me to be a different kind of Closet Christian: a Prayer Closet Christian.

I send my love and prayers to you all.
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
Christopher

P.S. If you've experience similar things or you've seen the power of prayer in your own life please share!! I'm sure we'd all love to be encouraged!

Before War Room

So I'm writing this as I'm sitting in the theater with my grandma to watch "War Room". I've gotta go but more to come after! I'm excited to see how this turns out. I have high hopes and I'm excited to see God move through this film! *Preparing self to be amazed and challenged*.

Losing Confidence and Superman T-Shirts

I am super tired as I'm writing this. It has been a super duper long day and I'm just now getting to the blog because I'm just now getting a little bit of down time. Granted, I've always been busy but today has been ridiculous!! Do you ever have a day like that where you are just so swamped with work or responsibilities that you don't even have time to breathe? Yeah, those days suck.

In high school I was always busy but still finished everything I needed to get done and did it to the best of my ability. Now, I'm so stretched that I'm not turning in my best work and I don't like not turning in my best work. I'm kind of losing my confidence in myself, but being overworked is not the biggest reason for that. Yes homework is exhausting. Yes moving emotionally wears me out. Yes being on campus is new and challenging. But the biggest reason that I am so unsure of myself is because lately I've done some things that are completely out of character for me.

I'm naturally a very caring and compassionate guy. I hate to see people hurt and I would never EVER be the one to hurt someone, right? WRONG! Apparently, even I am capable of causing the catastrophic emotional damage that I have seen in so many other people. There are a few people in particular that I have really hurt and I feel completely terrible.

How could I allow myself to do such a painful thing? What kind of a man am I to allow myself to hurt them that deeply? How can I even call myself a Christian after what I've done!? How can I even allow myself to live in the real world when all I've done is hurt those I care the most about? These are all questions that I've asked myself over and over and I still don't have answers, but there's some verses that my grandma (she's an awesome lady) brought to my attention this morning that have helped: 1 John 3: 18 - 21.

In my interpretation of that scripture, it seems like John (I'm assuming it's John since the book is named John, but I digress) is saying: "Guys, don't just talk about loving others, but truly show your love through action. By showing love, it shows ourselves and others (by example) that we belong to Christ. God is greater than our feelings (like guilt) AND He knows everything that we've done (who better to judge us, huh?). Then, if we don't feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence."

This really struck me as I read it. Even though I've done some terrible things and feel super guilty and absolutely awful about it, God knows what I've done. What's even better, is that He is greater than my feelings of guilt. So, if I walk in God's will (showing truth and love through my actions), I can confidently and boldly come before Christ without shame and without guilt. That's such a big deal to me (that's why I keep repeating it). No matter what I do, God knows and forgives me and I can BOLDLY come before Him. Then, by showing love, I remind myself that I belong to Christ.

So those are my goals for the next x amount of time: show God's Love in all that I do and confidently stand before Christ despite my past. These are things I've known but after all that has happened in my life, it's nice to have the reminder or to see this truth in a new light. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm wearing a superman shirt - to remind myself that instead of living in constant fear, I can live my life in confidence.

So, I guess that's what I've learned today. Hope it helps you in some way or at least entertained you briefly.
Good luck in the real world and God Bless,
Christopher Hanson

But to where, exactly?

Today is day 2 in my year long journey. "To where?", you ask. Well, I have no idea what my end goal is from this journey, but I'm reminded of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“Life is a journey, not a destination.”

That's so true for me in this expedition. I don't have any idea where I'm going. Instead, I'm focusing on the path that I'm taking and letting each day's discoveries guide my path for the next day. While I am only on the second day of this, it seems to be going pretty well. 

Now, as easy as it is to say that I'm just kind of throwing myself on some childlike adventure with absolutely no structure or end goal in mind, it's not quite that simple. I have structure to this journey that is different than what I've done in my life previously (otherwise this would be just like normal life and not an adventure, though life IS an adventure.... more on that later). Anyways, mostly I'm giving myself a break from the things I need to take a break from and allowing one year to grow in Christ without distractions. 

So what am I trying to get out of this?

Goal 1a) Discover who I am and who God wants me to be through prayer, scripture, self-reflection, and hopefully some practices that are a whole lot more tangible that I can share with you!

Goal 1b) Become the man that I will be for the rest of my life through practice, discipline, and behavior modification if needed.

Goal 2) Decide what I'm going to be doing through the rest of my life by seeking God's will and actually looking at job possibilities, internships, etc. (AHHHHH! SCARY!!! I don't wanna adult.)

Goal 3) Define for myself some words and ideas that I have never fully understood but are so intricate in my life: love, relationships, break-ups, heartache, social situations, loss, success, and happiness to name a few.  

(I realize I could have done 4 goals, but I really don't like the number 4. So, there are three.)

Realize that none of those goals are end destinations (other than maybe goal 2) but more like continual discoveries that I'm using this next year to get a jump start on. Knowing me, I can't just have arbitrary goals and expect to achieve them without some boundaries or rules.

So here are the rules:

1) Minimize Distractions. Tangibly that means: limit social media (*gasp*), back off on some of my extra-curricular activities ("Did he just say that?!"), and no dating until my journey is complete ("Okay, now he crossed a line"). Let's be honest, as awesome as it is to be able to share yourself with someone in an intimate way with the prospect of marriage in the future, I simply can't share myself until I figure out who I am. I've already hurt too many people by attempting to do this and I shall not permit that any longer! Plus, it's not like I'm all alone. I've got some kick-butt friends and a stellar family that is helping me through this.

2) Dive into God's word. Like, read it every day. I'm trying to create the man that I will be for the rest of my life. I've really got 2 options: a) try to focus on how the world sees a man and replicate that image or b) try to focus on how God sees a man and replicate that image. Since in my experience God has never fallen short of my expectations (only exceeded them) I'm going to stick with that idea.

3) Try new things. I'm really more of a "spend years planning it out before I finally implement it" kind of guy. I'm a mathematician; I like plans. But I've discovered that one of the fastest ways to learn in life is to try things out. (My awesome brother taught me that one.) So, my plan is to be spontaneous and live life courageously and maybe I can get that mentality ingrained in me enough that if God says "go here" or "do this" then I can easily do exactly that.

So, I've written all of this and I still haven't left my dorm room today except to do some laundry. Now, it's time to post this and get out of here so I can go live my life the way God intended for me to live it. Or at least try to discover what that is. 

Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,

Christopher